You know how cats are.  You can buy them a gagillion fancy (and expensive) toys and a princely bed and an over-the-top “cat condo” and they will eschew it all for a discarded cardboard box.  And typically, the mankier the box, the better they like it.

Who knows why?  They’re cats, it’s what they do.

But you?  You’re no cat.  At best, you’re staff to a cat, the human tasked with finding towers of treats, truckloads of toys, loads of litter, in the vain hope that your cat will deign to love you back.  So, why are you in a box?

“What box?” you ask.  The box of your playing life!  We express this box in many ways:

•  “I’m not very good”
• “I’m going to be a beginner forever”
• “I could never learn by ear”
• “I’ll never be able to read”
• “I will only ever play in my living room”
• “I know lots of tunes; I just can’t play them”
• “I’ll never be prepared enough to play on stage”
• “I don’t want to get too good”
• “There’s so much I haven’t learned yet – I’m not ready”
• “I only play well documented, ancient, traditional cadenzas published by Schirmer”

I have heard all of these (ok, except that last one, I made that one up).  But here’s what I hear you actually saying:

“I’m afraid”

I’m scared.  That’s why I sit here in this manky, tattered old box.  I have convinced myself that I like it here.  And even though it’s small, I’d rather be smooshed in here than free in the unknown. 

Because fear is a powerful force.  Just a tiny kernel of fear can paralyze a fully grown, capable, talented, inquisitive smart person.  And we plant that little bit of fear in the box with us so we can grow together – so we forget where we end and the fear begins. 

So, how are you going to break out of the box?  There are many ways but here are seven that are may help with your harping:

1. Acknowledge you’re in a box.  It’s not a bad thing, it just is (unless it’s preventing you from growing and moving – then it is bad).
2. Define the box(es).  What does your box look like?  Remember that a box can be made of many things and have multiple sides – so try to get them all.  Always play solo/alone?  Never really mailed down a particular phrase?  Only play one type of music?  Always playing a 1 – 5 – 8?  Never leave your home?  Call your box by its name.
3. Pick one of the less terrifying fears you’ve just identified.  Really break it down – why does it scare you?  Be honest.  For example, are you afraid to read because everyone else reads better?  This common fear has a fairly simple solution – first, remember that reading takes practice (even though no one wants to do stuff that is hard – keep practicing and it will get easier…remember first grade? you learned to read books by practicing e-v-e-r-y day) so add some reading into your practice schedule.  Second, the next time you’re with other people reading music, spend a moment watching them – and notice that you are likely not the only one having a bit of a struggle.  Don’t compare yourself, just notice that you’re not alone.
4. Get to work!  Now that you know what you’re fear is and how to take action on it, actually take it on!  Do the work.
5. As the fear recedes (and the sides of the box get lower) – rejoice!  Enjoy the feeling.
6. Move on to the next fear – lather, rinse, repeat.
7. Be vigilant – these little fears can build a box so quickly and quietly, you might not notice a new fear building a new box around you.  So, check in occasionally, see what you’re avoiding and take it on.

And if you’re not really ready to get out of your box, you can still acknowledge that it exists and learn what it looks like – then you’ll be that much farther ahead when you decide you’d like to move!

What’s printed on the side of your box?  Willing to share it in the comments?   Think your musical fear is a little more than you can take on by yourself?  You can work with me to learn and apply approaches to take those fears on and cut down the box – just contact me for coaching.